Body, that is... Unfortunately, I'm not the active person that I once was. Walking to and from high school, across campus and back and forth at my waitressing jobs kept me in shape. As years have gone by I have put on a lot of weight. I'm sure that the new stresses and responsibilities of adult life do not help, but it is not like that will be going away any time soon.
As I go up sizes, I find myself buying less and less, and holding on to the clothing I no longer fit into. Two very different problems, but with the same effect: I have "nothing to wear". I have plenty that does not fit, which is safely stored away in the attic. What I do have to fit me translates into the following: a dozen colored sweaters, a dozen t-shirts (all in black or white), half dozen pairs of pants, and a couple of skirts and special occasion dresses. Which means that things get worn over and over again, until they are faded, stained, falling apart, and I'm ready to self-suffocate in boredom. Why don't I buy more clothing? Simple. I have the self-illusion that someday I'll be able to fit back into the smaller-size clothing, and why should I spend the money? Also, I don't know if I'm done gaining weight, so again, why spend the money?
This fall it finally dawned on me that I probably will never be much smaller than I am right now. Certainly not back to the five-size smaller clothing that I have. With two small kids, I live in the little pockets of time between preparing meals, breastfeeding, changing diapers, doing laundry, and comforting my kids. I admit not taking any of the little personal time that I have to exercise. I would rather check my email, see a movie, or read a magazine. I also find myself so stressed that eating feels like a good stress relief that allows me to comfort myself, while at the same time getting stuff done around the house. The fastest way to get snacks and meals ready, so I can get back to other important things, is by using ready-made snack foods, like chips, pretzels, etc... No matter what anyone says, cooking familiar dishes is much faster than following a new recipe. But even like that, I only find time to cook the evening meal, when my husband is home to hold the baby.
These are my excuses for being the size I am. And that is an excuse to buy more clothing that fits me. Who knows, maybe that will make me feel better about myself, which will make me feel less stressed, which might encourage me to find more time for myself. And that is why the smaller-size clothing stays up in the attic for now...
